3 Steps to Managing Your Energy Around Negative People

Anytime you’re interacting with others, there’s energy you’re taking in and energy you’re putting out, and you can definitely be impacted by others’ energy and negativity.

Some of us are highly sensitive and can be more impacted by others’ energies. Do you ever walk into a room and feel the energy is off? Have you ever had a conversation with someone who complains a lot and instantly felt angry and irritable? 

As a mental health therapist for nearly 20 years and now a business coach and copywriter for health coaches, helping my coaching clients deal with the negative people in their life comes up A LOT. It could be that toxic co-worker or boss, that client who spats out excuses week after week for why she simply can’t exercise, or your mother-in-law who likes to gossip.

I like to call these people energy vampires (can’t claim credit for that word, but I do love it). While I think it’s best to have a firm but compassionate conversation with energy vampires, sometimes it’s just not possible or feels too scary.

In those instances, I wanna share some simple ways to reduce the chaos these “negative nancies” create in your life:

1. Stop trying to “fix it”

Often we try to solve other people’s issues or dilemmas when what they really want and need is validation; this is often particularly true of negative people or those that complain a lot.

Next time this happens, I would encourage you to take off your “fix it” hat and stop providing solutions. Likely, your solutions are going to fall on deaf ears because most of the time, they’re not wanting a solution; they just wanna complain. So you’ll end up wasting your time and feel frustrated.

Instead, you can try validating them by saying something like, “Yeah, I can imagine that was stressful (then try changing the subject).” You can also add something like, “That stinks, what do you think you’re gonna do?” Only do this if you actually want to involve yourself in the conversation; but this will likely go much better than you trying to provide solutions yourself as again, that’s typically not what they are wanting.

By helping them to address their emotions and their own possible solutions, the solutions will come more automatically to them (so often it’s been inside them anyway).

If validation does not seem to work, you may need to excuse yourself and simply walk away.

2. Harness the power of water

Water has amazing benefits and I like to use it to help manage my energy with others, particularly the energy vampires out there.

Here’s how I do that:

At the end of the day, particularly if it’s been long and draining or really busy, I like to take a shower and imagine all of the heaviness, ickiness, challenges, and difficulties washing off of me as I watch it go down the drain. 

I imagine it’s that one coworker who never gets the hint to stop talking so I can get to my endless to-do list or that neighbor who is constantly spreading gossip.

When I get out of the shower, not only am I literally cleaner, but internally I feel cleaner, lighter, and more relaxed, which helps me transition into the rest of my day.

When I can’t always take a bath or shower, I like to wash my hands or rinse some cool water on my face; and also imagine their energy and negativity washing off from me as I watch it go down the drain.

3. Manage your boundaries

Of course you want to first create boundaries and try to spend the least amount of time you have to with the negative people in your life (though many of us are not-nor can be-totally immune from energy vampires).

Then when you are around them, invite yourself to have empathy for them. Imagine what their day-to-day life is like? If they’re so busy complaining about everything, they likely are very unhappy and/or bored. 

They likely don’t share the same holistic health passion you have and may not have something amazing they’re working towards in their life like building their health coaching business.

It doesn’t mean their behavior is okay or you need to get sucked in, but it can make the knife twist a little less, so to speak, and you can leave the interaction feeling a little lighter, more compassionate towards them, and more grateful for your own life.

I’d love to hear from you! How do you manage your energy with others? Particularly with those energy vampires?